Being sick while pregnant is like being doubly sick. I swear it. I know my little friend didn't suffer because he was bouncing around as happily as can be and I'm really grateful for that. I suffered. Not only do you feel twice the exhaustion you'd feel if you weren't pregnant and were just dealing with a cold, but you also spend twice the time worrying about the baby. "Am I eating enough?" "Am I drinking enough?" "If I cough too much, will my water break?" "Seriously, can blowing my nose this hard cause contractions?" I'm a bit of a worrywart to begin with, or as I told my friend Avi the other day, "I'm a Google Hypochondriac." I just never got a break. I went from thinking I had Gestational Diabetes to being full-out sick. There was no rest for the weary. And I also get sick in twos. My colds are often coupled with unrelated but still horrible ailments. It's happened every time. So this time I decided the GD worry was my second illness. That's all I could take this time.
I know a cold is temporary and mild, no matter how bad it is. On the grand scheme of things, many people suffer from much worse. However this was bad. I was so exhausted I couldn't move. We had to miss our fun NYC/NJ Passover/Easter plans that we were pretty excited for. When I'm sick I spend a lot of time in and out of a bad sleep - never fully awake and never fully asleep. So I felt like I was going through days not really "there." And that's the worst feeling I can feel because I'll realize that three days have passed and I'll have missed three days of Scarlet. And three days of enjoying baby kicks.
And at night, I'd have those dreams. Pregnancy dreams are weird. Sick dreams are weird. Put them together and you find yourself vividly dreaming that you're exploring your sexuality and you're out on a date with a really cute girl and you might want to kiss her, but you have seven days of cold crud and dryness lining your face. I kid you not! The dream was so realistic but towards the end, the vivid lines blurred and I remembered just how much I like men, specifically, my man.
And then I settled into another vivid dream where I could see my baby on the outside, sitting and beaming and golden. He was about six months. I called to him by name...yes, we have a name that we're IN LOVE with...and he turned to me in recognition and love. I could see him so clearly! No devil horns or fangs or goat eyes. Pure, cute 100% Bowman Baby.
And then after nearly a week of symptoms, and 2-3 days of being pretty much bed-bound, things changed..a bit. I "woke" up again. I felt present and halfway normal. I saw Scarlet again and tackled the would-have-been enormous job of giving her a bath. Trust me, that cannot be done while sick. And while I gave her a bath, I reveled in her beauty. Naturally. And that made me reach for the camera again. And while reaching for the camera, I realized I hadn't reached for tissues in...over an hour! My previous record had been five minutes. And I realized. "Hey, I'm coming back to life. Slowly but surely."
Not fully there yet..but it's been a doozy of a week. Sometimes, healing takes time.
The shadows in the bathroom were completely not working with what I usually like to shoot with. And for some reason, that intrigued me. So they say to follow the light, and I have to say I was almost not following the light. And that made a whole new weird set of photos. This next one was completely unplanned and I did not manipulate it at all. This is what happened. Maybe I was sicker than I thought..
Healthy enough to realize she's freakin' ravishing, as always.
Lots of snuggles and three out of four healthy Bowmans. So it was ok. It was my turn. I'm sad that we missed a holiday weekend and seeing our families. That's what bums me the most. What we missed this year. Looking forward to feeling better soon. Until then, Happy Spring Holidays!